Out of Field Camp - A real horrible 6 days. But after realizing how much more naval divers went through..Hell's Week and everything, I guess a 6 days field camp is still anybody's choice.



Had a bit of reunion at home, wearing my new outfit and shoe.
Faces around are kinda..fresh-looking; unrecognizable already.
Shocked...at how much I had really missed out.
Hated being left behind, not knowing what the whole world is going through; the advancement, just confined in my fine little dystopian island.
Will it gets better after 311?
I miss the serving, the passion, the innocence, the simplicity..
But every mother's son needs to grow up through this stage, this stage that seems inescapable.
And time seems so preciously limited, so short of time.
Blah!











I miss whatever I was doing before, but I will look forward to whatever I'm gonna do after.(:

Every booking out seems to be a high-tension affair. On high alert to make sure you did nothing that can confine you...

Anyway field camp's coming up and this will be my last book out till Chinese New Year. Not much of an anticipation though. Just wanna spend some civil life alone...

Sometime, it really feels quite good to just spend the afternoon alone, doing anything you want, not caring about what the world thinks or what the world wants you to do..Sometime, it really feels quite comfortable to just laze around, to do some deep thinking, to not conform to others' expectations, to just be alone.......









Some thoughts.
How far are you willing to go for what you believe in?
Dare to take the first step into the unknown?


"Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but they all had these in common: that the step was first, the road new, the vision unborrowed, and the response they received - hatred. The great creators - the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors - stood alone against the men of their time. Every great new thought was opposed. Every great new invention was denounced. The first motor was considered foolish. The airplane was considered impossible. The power loom was considered vicious. Anesthesia was considered sinful. But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, they suffered and they paid. But they won."


Sounds right.

Start of a new year..



Thank God I didn't spend my new year in camp.

Celebration in church was fun! But......

Was it cause I was away for so long? Everything else outside Tekong was so fast-paced, as if time stops in Tekong....
New faces..that brings joy, but also unfamiliarity....
These really discourages me quite a bit.





Nevermind.

Many promises I'd made with You I'd broken.
But this will stay unbroken....I will stay Your follower, Your disciple..
However screwed up I may be..
However screwed up I made myself..
I love You my Highest King..

Missing civil life...

Boo...


Everything is still so unreal......





A new leg of the race...
A new place...
New faces...

God you are my help. And I thank You for this opportunity, and Your grace & mercy.
I pray for Your hands to be on me, Your eyes watching over me, Your strength powering me, Your wisdom in me, Your anointing flowing through me, Your presence surrounding me...




Seriously, everything's still a rush.
Half excited, half not knowing what I should be expecting?
Hell-like training like those in movies? Worst? Easier?

More when I'm out!(:


Thanks to everyone in D3, Security...love touches me greatly :D
Till then.......

The name's Eleazar Cruz Tay Zhi Xiang.

Alright, so Eleazar's my new christian name. It means "God is my Help"
Kewl eh?
God not only has helped, or will help. God IS my Help! He is my Help yesterday, today, and forevermore. I love it totally.
Was considering Elioenai "I look to God" and Ezra "Help". Ha, but I still think Eleazar is more zai!!

Cruz "Cross of Christ"? Well, that's my baptism / middle name! Haha, a tinge of españo~ Not bad hurr!

Tay will be my surname of course!
Zhi Xiang is kewl enough! Especially my chinese characters.."至翔" Never saw another zhi xiang with that chinese characters' combination.



So from now, call me Eleazar!




Pz Out.
Eleazar(:

Visions..

It's really so difficult to live without vision;
Without a cause to die for,
You are just a wondering corpse..

Exaggerating?

Not so.
Where there is no vision, the people perish



Saturday was powerful, in its own way.
Towards the end of the sermon, Pastor (now Reverend) was so passionate about his vision. He talked about the Yishun incident, the Father's heart clearly evident. His passion and vision just evoke a rise in the spirit, especially in me.

I have this new vision.

For as long as I can, I will want to continue playing in the Worship Team..for Zone F services and events! Yes, I too want to play for main service, but the pull is there for Zone F. I want to do something, in my own capacity. I may not be able to lead them pastoral wise, I may not be ready to be so involved in their events and camps, but I certainly can lead them into praise & worship as a bassist for Elevate!! Zone F may not be as hyped up as the main youth service, without the lights and live feed, but I don't really care about those? Yes, stage feels great with thousands of eyes on you, but that is just something inevitable, desirable but not my aim nor on my list.

Ya, I want to get out of the vision of myself, my family thing. I want a vision that attracts! A vision that gives hope! A vision that includes not only my peaceful circle but also the circle of a bigger community!!





Ya, that will be so much better.
A Father's heart..I want that.

Glorified.
Lord I come
Into Your holy place
Stand in awe
Of Your cleansing grace
Who am I that You would care for me
I glorify the One who died for me

Glorified glorified
Let Your name be lifted up and glorified
Let the earth tremble at Your name
Let Your name be lifted up and glorified

Into Your hands
I commit my life
Day by day
As a living sacrifice
Who am I that You would care for me
I glorify the One who died for me


A song so simple, yet so difficult.
The feel..the magnificence of His unrivaled glory..


We worshipped, and the dream inside of me reignited.
To go round the world, to hold prayer conferences, worship conferences.
To lead the world into a time of praise & worship, prayer, ministry.
To dwell and linger on,
In no haste to move on...





















Let's settle it in exactly 1 month's time (:

Elevate's first outing in main service!
Well, I was so stiffed out during the first song that i can't finish my slides and keep missing my strings! ._.
Talk about stage fright, I think I'm a victim... But I have faith!

No special encounters..
No sudden technical crisis..
In fact, we need to work on our technical side..

But!!! God was there!
The presence of God was there..
His anointing was on each of us.....


I thought it was quite a beauty that each of us know that we can pretty much do nothing without Him...
The humility, the knowledge that He is the Highest Power and He so chooses to come down to us only because He loves us and desires us, not because we deserve it or we can do anything to call Him down (in that sense).





Anyway, I'm determined to start a blogshop selling fashionable clothes!
And it's up!
http://chimes-couture.livejournal.com
Enjoy!

How interesting, we are God's workmanship!

Likened to an exquisite piece of watch. We are not just any other products in the line. We are uniquely designed, with each crystal and diamond specially and carefully crafted into us. Like an expensive and high-end Rolex or Breitling watch, we are one of our kind. Each with our own unique function and identity, each with our own purpose and destiny.

Dom talked about the gears in the watches as well, how turning a small gear will in turn leads to the rotation of bigger, and still bigger gears, much like butterfly-effect...






Loving God will pull down the Presence of God.
But praying in faith will bring down the Power of God!






WOW!!!
Pray in faith...
The atmosphere was different. There was an atmosphere of faith!
I felt faith rising in me.
I began to have faith.
I sent in attendance as if my team is breaking through..
Well, I have faith that this week it is going to breakthrough!
5.!
That's the number that we are gonna hit!


There's a great difference when you lift your hands up to the highest; When you start praying louder and proclaiming instead of begging; When you pray with passion and conviction instead of reading from the script..
It shows faith, confidence, power..

A light touch of faith is enough to move mountains..
Faith like a mustard seed is enough to throw mountains into the sea..
For a watch to work, the smallest gear has to make a rotation to move the bigger gears..



Staffs & Leaders Prayer Meet was powerful!

Ok ok, I'm sleepy. Goodnight fellas!

Sorry people if my entry layout is queer, I will try to fix the problem soon....



Anyway, today is one day that I seriously want to get it over and done with asap!

Started bad the night before..
Things didn't go according to plan..
Didn't reject when I totally feel like rejecting..
Did things against my will..
People started getting on my nerves..
Feeling totally moodless and screwing up someone's day..

RAHHS!!


Let's just sleep it over and start tml refreshed..
Determined to make sure tomorrow's great!



Anyway Heart Fest's round the corner!
Gladiator..Human Foosball..
How cool!
And I pray that service will be awesome!!!
Elevate's on..
Let us be anointed and presence-filled!
Let us minister to the congregation as well as the speaker!
In Jesus' name..Amen!

The more we get together
Together
Together
The more we get together
The happier we'll be
And your friends are my friends
And my friends are your friends
The more we get together
The happier we'll be


From years forgotten...
And I've been trying to recall the lyrics..boo!


I haven't been studying so much of late, the last being the 2 months before O's....
And I realized I haven't been crossing the road near my house under the late afternoon-evening sun!
Conclusion? I haven't been home much during the day!

Ha!

Muggers pen their thoughts funnily..and coin weird vocab.Oh well!




Can't wait for service this weekend! FOP was fantastic, the ushering that is..Didn't catch the message much, but there's some thoughts that ran through my mind during the second night. Searching still....





Oh, and did anyone mention that the first night was visionary? Literally!!
Pastors spoke on stage! And Charleston led prayer...Imagine him standing beside the Superintendent of the Assemblies of God (Some high profile local man of God)
Alot of thoughts came with seeing this picture...We are ready to hit the thousands, almost ready, just waiting for the right timing and certain things to be ironed out!
To further put things into perspective, the Head Usher that took charge of the East Entrance is only 20 years old, and the oldest Chief Ushers is 19 with the youngest being 16....And half of the team across the 3 nights were not in Usher Ministry..




Somehow, the Indoor Stadium doesn't look that big after all, does it?(:

DANGG!

I just finished the upsized McSpicy meal that I ordered! And now I feel fat, thinking I shouldn't have wasted the 12bucks..but I'm hungry yo~ Oh! And my hot fudge sundae is still in the freezer =/

Are you gonna feel jealous or are you gonna kill me for eating so much so late and not sleeping early..or are you gonna do both? Hee!



I have a smelly friend -- Moooo...
Ya, that's her name. Check her smelly burps and farts out @ http://smellmymoos.livejournal.com (Now you are so gonna blog about me in your posts! :P)



I'm so gonna end here cause I'm full and sleepy. The bed is calling..and I love Tonight (:







Dear faithful reader,
the title is our little secret :D

I can't believe it! Gotta wake up @ 630 in the morning and I still can't sleep!

This is getting really dangerous and scary! It always happen while am on duty, but today insomnia got really uncontrollable!
Ok, I don't have insomnia, at least I don't consider it as insomnia. I mean, I can sleep. Just that for some reason, when I intend to sleep early, I will just toss about in bed; when I intend to stay awake and sleep late, I will feel sleepy very soon. But I have no problem waking up on time without any alarm most of the time. Guess my bodyclock's pretty screwed weirdly...RAHHS!!


Alright.
I'm gonna have faith that tomorrow's outing will be great!
Nah, I still don't think I'm able to pull down Your presence. I just want to be broken to You, and I know everyone will feel Your presence and anointing because You chose to work through us. I just pray that You will choose to work through us!
Elevate is gonna be used mightily! We are not a bunch of the most exciting and skillful players around. We may not have a pocketful of treats, but we sure have a spirit that really wants to let go and let God. We sure have a fear of God inside us! And even when we might not be at our best, we are just gonna push through and have faith that God is gonna come down. We know we are not worthy enough to pull His presence down ourselves. Let us rely on You Holy Spirit..

I leave everything to You......



Father, I'm unworthy..
Let me be broken and humbled,
Let me rely on You..
Forgive me God.
Use Elevate to elevate the desire of the congregation..
The desire to know You as we are known.

You know, sometimes, some people that you meet, expose you to a whole new world that you knew existed but never ever experienced before. Well, I'm beginning to know more and more of such people.

Hearing real-life stories, first-hand encounters... The realization is, mind-changing. There are some things that you know are just happening at your doorsteps, but trying hearing the real thing from someone who is experiencing or had experienced it... Dread took over me. Something that I never experienced before, I couldn't understand the real feeling and emotions, but I understand how real it is, and how dreadful it is..

Nevermind me, just some bothering thoughts...


Service was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G on Sunday!!

I had a fast-forward spiritual whirlwind of a walk! Every images just zoom through me! The 4th dimension? It's unfathomable and real... And it makes you have child-like faith, to just imagine with the creativity given by God, imagine and just entrust it to Him. Whatever gonna happens, you know He has it all taken care of...

And a rainbow appears in the sky.

How cool is that?!
Well, it just reminds me of God's covenant with Noah..and I felt really joyous, like it's the best thing that can happen after such a powerful service... It's beautiful. ((:

Decisions.

We make many decisions in life, and alot of times, we make the same decisions many times...don't we?

Try and recall...you will realize that you had made a certain decision just awhile ago..and now you have to make the same decision again. Is it not working? Are you not sticking to your decision? In your heart, have you really decided?
Many a times, we told God, "Yes, I've made the decision to do this.."
You were impacted and convicted..
But after awhile, you realized you have to make the same decision again....

Guess it's just natural?

If you had already made the decision, stick with it even if you had to make it again and again. That's the purpose of making pre-made decisions ain't it? Making a pre-made decision doesn't entitle you to 1 less decision to make, it just means that you have to face the same decision again and again and are you going to make the same decision that you made when it first convicted you so strongly..

Who readily makes a decision without having to make the same one again? That's almost impossible, as far as I'm concerned..It's the effort to not give up that really counts! Falling is natural, and compulsory? Ha. But what are you going to do about it? Even that lil bit of undying spirit is more than enough for God to work, to bring you out of the deepest abyss that you were in a spiral towards..That's my personal revelation. (:




God cares, He really does. But are you giving Him a chance to do His stuffs? Well, I can't say I've been in every situations, but I definitely experience God's love and cares when I feel like I don't deserve it the most. I mean, who does? None of us deserves Him..but that's the beauty of Love. That's His true beauty, and I'm thankful!

"Thank You my Lord"





To God, a heart of flame..
To men, a heart of love..
To self, a heart of steel..

The last is the hardest of all, but without it, it's impossible to fulfill the first 2..
Because we love, that's why we make the decision..together (:

I really love my parents!

Somehow just started thinking about them..
My mum is my Wonder Woman man! She's your typical mandarin-speaking, sometimes kiasu singaporean housewife, but she's much much much cooler than that man! Firstly, she cooks fabulously! A few lucky ones can testify to that! Secondly, she has a number of high-end branded handbags in her cupboard. Signs of elegance and a result of fashionable taste. Though she seldom uses them and regretfully, she can't pass them to me...Thirdly, she still keeps the Mother's Day card and Birthday card that my sis and I made for her! Fourthly, she did not even complete her primary school but all that I knew about life and God came from her. Adding to that, she's one of the most faithful person I ever known. She has been praying for my unsaved dad and the whole family every single day!! I still remember how I used to find her at the foot of my bed early in the morning before the first sound of nature, praying for me..
There's alot more stories to tell, some vague, some clear as the sky...but all points in one direction....she's one that is irreplaceable in my life!

What about my dad? I often wonder if my dad is my hero...He doesn't bring me out to introduce me to interesting and exciting stuffs, probably a few fishing trips or so..He ain't like those you see in American films where he will bring me out and all his close friends will know me and see me as their own..He didn't portray a macho-dad image, he's not even macho, skinny at best...but he earned my respect!
He's a middle manager in the construction industry. Understandable, it's difficult to not be in the vices associated with the industry - excessive drinking, smoking, soliciting, gambling, vulgarities etc.
Well, maybe he used vulgarities when he's at work but at least he made the effort to not use it when we are around. In fact, I believe that he's the same even at work, though sometimes it may just slip...but who didn't? As for drinking, he's just a casual drinker at home, not downing more than his 1 daily can of stout and never ever came home drunk. Gambling? well, the usual 4D and Toto, that's about it. And definitely no soliciting and smoking! How cool is that!!
And he really love me, in the only way he knows, to provide me with all my wants as much as he can....

I aspire to be like them! Of course I want to do better, but they are my Justice League, my Avengers, my X-men, my superheroes!



"Thank you for loving me" sings Bon Jovi

It was a long week and many things happened...
Weekend was empowering! With BMT and Pastor Che Ahn coming..the whole church is going into a season of faith and spirituality! Pastor is just building up faith and spirituality in church, and it's no coincidence that I'm into the same season as well.....Talk about flow, heh!

Altar call on Saturday was, well, extraordinary. Amidst the excitement and coolness of what happened, I felt victorious that another life was changed, one more dwelling place for the Holy Spirit, one less stronghold for the devil! How spiritual and how real this is..I supposed it's hard to realize that this physical world that we live in is more spiritual than natural..unless you experience it yourself!

Service with Pastor Joakim was fantastic! I wasn't expecting much things coming my way since it was meant for the unbelievers, but I guessed God had made me real vulnerable to Him these few days...
More than that, I saw an awesome view!
Opening my eyes during worship, I saw hands raised..so high..towards heaven! Seeing familiar faces lifting up their hands in worship is great, but spotting unfamiliar faces raising up their hands? It's a totally different feeling altogether! It's what we are living for! The heart of the Father? It's in the world, searching for the lost souls..



Today, again, I felt so vulnerable in God's presence..and I love that feeling! I am strong, no doubt, but in front of God, I am weak..I am vulnerable..I am dependent on Him..I look at the Cross, and thanksgiving fills my heart..

That's how it is isn't it?? I hope I will stay vulnerable to You always...



Aye, off to plan my week! Bearing in mind, if I'm always making the same old mistakes, there's no way my leaders are able to teach me new things..Wisdom! Holy Spirit! (:






I can't deny my heart's emotion (:

Proverbs 1:7
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge..."

Further down...

Proverbs 1:29-30
"Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord, they would have none of my [Wisdom] counsel"

Got impacted by these verses just now. In fact the whole chapter is quite interesting..Gonna seek God further l8er regarding them..feels like there's more God wants to tell me! +D


Hmm....

I realize going home now brings back precious memories...........my minds will wonder off as I walk down that lane..thinking..and smiling...and then finding headlights rushing at me ._. Sian!

But the lane leading to my house is so..reminiscing..
Especially at night..the whole ambience..the occasional headlights from the car..the slight breeze..the playground..(it should have a swing!)
Yea, I like the area around my place..



Well, that aside..I'm so glad Noel's back! But Rianto's gone...temporary...back to that hazy Indonesia ._. Awaiting her return~

International Donut Day
I can't wait to see my whole class step into church at least once! Yes! Ain't gonna deny that intention, so if you're reading, you are coming! (:

BMT starts at 1200h, but I reached at 1645h, cause I got my final paper of the term! (And it's pretty screwed, across the whole school I hope. tsk!) Anyway, I reached just as Pastor Lia was about to end the worship. And then we went to find a corner in the auditorium to have an hour of power!

Guess where I go? Yea, my secret hideout! I must say I was trying to limp as fast as I could from the other end of the auditorium before anyone got there, and when I was nearing, I was super afraid that anyone will walked in..Thank God no one did! *phew*

The QT was fantastic! I felt my prayer life went up, like totally~ Began to pray according to how the Spirit leads; Spoke in tongues to build up my Spiritman; Conversed with God! And I kinda saw God, from afar though with a veil covering His face, body facing to the right and head turning slightly towards my direction..yea, saw it in my mind's eye as I conversed with Him. Felt great..but I know that it's time I get closer and more intimate with Him...

Told Him alot: My desires to be a WTL, EC, Chief Usher, Security IC, CGL..the reasons why I want to..told Him what's troubling me..told Him about you..told Him my feelings..and heard Him replied! That's the best part! I waited for Him too! And for the first time, I'm like totally focus and didn't feel tired or weary! Then I realized it was 6pm already! We were supposed to be back in the congregations by 5.50pm..and I was like creeping out of my secret place and saw Yassy, Jian Ming and all the front row leaders staring at me ._.


Oh wells.It was good..and I left church smiling! You know why! : DD


Ame and Josh came over! They were like lazing on my bed..a bunch of bums ._. Probably coming back on Monday for dinner, gonna talk @ the playground after that!


It brings back memories, real good ones, memories waiting to be continued! =D


And I miss Noel.
He wasn't back yet as supposed, probably tomorrow afternoon! Might be seeing him @ the airport with a big poster or something..ha!

Stupid Wendily acting like my big sister ._.

Ok, today's post is just laying down the details of my day...




Though the walk was short,
The time was greatly treasured..
Though the smile was badly missed,
That instant makes the wait worthwhile..

For the first time, I experienced God's anointing so strongly! I'm looking forward to a greater experience as my imagination shows me what have yet to happen!

Ok, the outing (dated: 3rd June 2008) was great! Started on Monday when Dominic talked about ministering to the preacher and the congregation. He shared about how he seldom closes his eyes when he's on stage because he wants to look at his people and pray for them as he plays. This may be outward actions but I'm sure the team caught the heart! Personally, I came today with expectations and faith. I prayed up, and prayed that God will anoint the whole team. Let us not just pull down Your presence but also minister to the preacher and the congregation. That was my cry...and God honours!

Praise did not start off as well as expected. Totally un-sync with Alastair! Argh! Elevate came down feeling worried and burdened! Are we setting up a good platform for God to work and for Dominic to preach? We went back and I was nervous, but I saw God started to work...I kept praying for the people and trying to pull down God's presence..and God honours...

Altar call was a blast! I wasn't sure why at first and actually went for debrief feeling like it's the end of the world..but Dominic said that altar call was fantastic! And I realized, it's God's anointing working! This is God's anointing...I finally know how it is like : D

It's not how we start, but how we end!

Elevate had a great outing, but as what God had showed me at a micro level in this outing, I understand that Elevate has to see it at a macro level and not let this first time be the last time!

Oh! And did I mention? I hurt my left foot pretty badly! Argh! Bad sprain I think..wonder if bandage is coming my way already....



Let's continue before I start studying.. (:

Dominic preached powerfully today, really giving his best! His story about his granddad whom he treasures, it really touches me..Again, what God spoke this morning resurfaced..

Sometimes, in certain situation, you do not understand why someone does or says certain things..but most of the times, love is the motivator behind. How powerful can Love get? God is Love...I treasure your importance in my life (:

Think about it and you will realize I am right! (:
Anyway, I shall try and post everyday, because I know..and I hope someone is interested! Am irresistible! : D


I meant every word..
Memories are intact..
But let it not be just memories...

How foolish can one get? I am the most foolish person on earth, definitely! I did the most stupid things to the ones that are important to me. I hurt them..with my actions, with my lack of self-control, with my foolishness thinking that am making them smile and loving them. I hate myself for it! How can I still claim that I love them? But I really do...

Nah, ain't looking for self-pity! : D
I know my weakness, and I put it in His hands, trusting that He will deal with me. For the hurts and disappointments that I had caused, I'm sorry. I accept any consequences that may come my way. But I still thank God because I know He is going to reverse the impacts of my foolishness. To my human mind, I really am scared, scared that the hurt is so deep, that there's nothing anyone can do. But deep down, I have faith, I trust Him, that He will minister and heal, that anything that no one else can do, He can! (:


Tay Zhi Xiang: be patient; don't just claim that you love yet your actions prove otherwise, but love with your actions and with God's kind of love, never my kind; stop being selfish and think of yourself only but think of others; stop suspecting and think wild thoughts but have faith and trust in God and in her; don't get jealous, angry or overbearing easily, but bears her mistakes and burdens; believe in Love, who is God; place your hopes in God only; endures all desires and emotions and have self-control



1 Corinthians 13:4 - 7
Love suffers long and is kind;
love does not envy;
love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own,
is not provoked, thinks no evil;
does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believe all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.



To God, and to you, I'm sorry..
Let me love again, not with my kind anymore..
but with His..

Be healed, be comforted..
by Someone greater than I am..
by Someone who loves you more than I do..


The belle is ringing ever so strongly within..sorry!

Wassup!

June's totally packed for me man!
WT, Pastoral, Usher, BMT, Guitar lessons, School...
But I love it! I love to be busy, love taking up responsibility!



Everything has been rather noisy, the loud booming silence that fills the forthcoming nights that is...awww!! A heart of steel to yourself is punishing! But it brings about self-control and discipline yea? And the Spirit in me is giving me strength to overcome it! Sticking to the 10 values too!

Anyway, the love is still there, as strong!! (:


Rebuilding my values, lasting ones..
Strengthening my heart, before setting it ablaze..
Giving my best, and trusting Him..

Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

None describe it better! The power of out tongue is really powerful!

Its quite interesting to know that many of the greatest influential milestones in the history of humankind come about because of our tongue.
Martin Luther King, through his famous speech - "I Dream..." secure the freedom of the minorities in the States. His tongue spoke life into millions and created dreams and visions that can stand the test of time.

Similarly, but with a different aftertaste, Adolf Hitler's tongue raised up a whole generation of youths that are so influenced by his speech that they kill their closest for him.

Two extremes, a vast difference, but equally powerful and influential. Even our normal everyday conversations are enough to kick one into the abyss of depression or elevate one into the paradise of faith and self-confidence.

Coming closer to home and more applicable, motivational speakers like Adam Khoo sure can create an impact or at least an imprint in one's life. It's another to put his words into action and apply whatever he said, but you can't deny that when these motivational speakers speak, their words cause a reaction, enough to make most go back and at least attempt to do the "homework". Teachers surely get jealous at this point! Ha!

Well, was making sure my friends in class do not speak vulgarities in front of me. Ain't sorry that I find people who speak them disgusting and unsexy and a total turn off! Just to be sure, putting people down is another act that am totally turn off about! Yes, it's a fine line between jokes and jokes-overdone.

Anyway, life in NP is quite interesting. CS, MSN and even Winterbells in Lect and Tut ._. Great classmates that are nice and fun people. I feel so slack that I'm initiating to study in Week 4! Tsk!

Oh! Let's end this with a "I miss basketball!!" Yea, haven't played in awhile!



We got the you hang up no you hang up kinda love!

Time start: 0120h


Just a quick post! Promised to sleep within the next half hour (:

There's so much I wanna say, but guess I'm quite limited, by time and by parents and by every other things. Argh! But nevermind, I'm patient. There's always a tomorrow. And I'm quite sure tomorrow is not going to not come just yet. Ha ha ! I should stop expressing my thoughts in such melancholic, and maybe morbid manner.

I had fun in the last few hours. Really do! X)

Anyway, coming back to earth, I can't wait for AI conference this weekend. I'm wondering how God is going to speak to me. Every week is ever-changing. That's what I like. He never fails to not surprise me!

I love my class! They are fun and awesome! One of the best class I have for a very long while. I wish they have as much fun and meaning as I have though... I can't wait! I think it's gonna happen! A revival that I have so missed since Catholic High. The essence of a new revival is that there are many more that will come and take the place of those that had left. You experienced it. Me too. But we don't have much time to dwell on the sadness or wish for tranquility to set in. We just need to keep moving. Yes, the difference is we keep moving. Seeing comrades fall beside us is crazily sickening. But we gotta hold on to each other and just keep moving. Yea!!

You are weak. Me too... But He is strong!


Time end: 0135h
Kept my promise! (:

Had a great time in His presence just now.
It was like last Sunday when Pastor Lia led.
It was like zone camp.
It was like FTMS.

The older ones will say "It was like Henderson"

Ha Ha! I wished I was in Henderson, but I thank God I was in FTMS and now I'm in SingPost.

Am I addicted? Yes definitely. And I love this addiction that I have.
No, aint into drugs, not literally. This syndrome I have, well, is a good one! It's definitely healthy, it's definitely desirable.
Don't get me wrong. I hate smokers, or any other addicts. I think they are dumb. They are just smoking or drugging or addicting their lives away. What a stupid way to lose your life. But I'm addicted to what I had felt 2 hours ago! And the addiction is getting stronger every minute. And I'm 100% sure I will rather die from this addiction than any other ways for that matter...

Talking to a classmate spawn a conclusion that many youths out there are not really what they are. Maybe not to the extent where they are no longer real, but more of putting up a brave and strong front when all they have are shattered hearts crying out for a hand. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating, but seriously, it seems really hard to find someone who is really confident of themselves outside my "playground". I'm not saying that all my churchies have no problems in life. They do.. I have. But we all have faith that God is going to bring us through if He had brought us there, that's why many of us are able to smile even when we are at our lowest. Not a smile to put up a front, but a smile from within, a smile that you can see even in the eyes, a smile of faith....

Ok, now I'm highly addicted to 2 individuals. Go figure! : D

"We Will Rock You" concert was amazing! And any of you who haven't watch it yet, gotta go catch it! But don't forget Red Rain concert is coming up real soon! (:

Had a great time @ Explanade with Hong Hwee, Char, Dale and Shermaine. Pastors and a whole load of leaders were there too - Charleston, Dominic, Garrett etc. Well, the sound was heart-pumping, the lights were hair-raising, the music was Queen-likeness~

But I did not just have fun. I observed. Guess it's in the DNA~ =P

I observed the ushers/escorts/whatever they call themselves. They are another level compare to those in the Indoor Stadium. But to my fellow ushers, be encouraged! I can safely say that hoGc ushers are at their level if not better! Of course of course, there are somethings I've learnt from them, and there are some differences in terms of environment and situations, but overall, we can certainly look forward to holding the Indoor Stadium soon! =P

Pastors and the ministry heads were also observing the Ops - the lights, the sound etc. Told you it's in the DNA already!

Oh, did I mention Pastor Lia's birthday celebration was fantastic?!?! Yes, even better than "We Will Rock You"!! Call me patriotic-loyalist if you must (:
It wasn't just another celebration.
Pastor Lia shared her heart, and the aftermath was sensational. It was thick.. It searches your inside and pricks at the dirtiest, the ugliest.. I will like to usher that kinda presence down whenever I play and worship. Yea (:

Argh, even as I type, the infection down my throat is acting up again! God please heal me!!! It's like World War 3 down there! But thank God the headache is gone. It was so bad that I couldn't sleep well last night and had weird bad dreams. Crazy imaginations like the arteries in my brain had burst and I'm gonna be hospitalized but someone will bring soup for me everyday and me becoming retarded and can't play the bass and overseeing a political battle between..non-humans? See the link? Right, I don't see any either.

Overwork brain? Information overload? Or just simply..crap? Who knows you know..

Unusual.

Well, at least I'm ready to get on the field already! (:
Sub me back in Manager! =D

Wassup!
What a week, finally finding time to do this.

BAOC was good. Daredevil 9 was fun. Devil's cheer was corny but cute. Devil-mates were nice people. Welcome to Poly life yo~
But the pageant is crap! Or at least the pageant contestants' talentime part. It's bad that there was a 100% out-of-tune rate on stage, but it was worse that the contestants chose to showcase their respective items. The sound system, the operations...haii... Sorry! I can't help it! I'm experiencing professional standards week in week out, and I'm certainly not gonna take it for granted after seeing the difference in level even though the age behind is the same! You will understand if you are with me every weekend +D

I'm not boasting!

Really, this breed is different. This generation that is being built up, they are going to take the world by storm! The hunger to learn, the hunger to serve, the hunger and desire to love, it's evident!! More importantly, the God-factor is ever so visible, yet incomprehensible. But that's the reason why the difference is so vast. Skills can only take u this far; hunger takes u further; but with God, there's no end!

Anyway, had a busy weekend. Prepared like crazy for my dearest CGL's birthday celebration which is 3 months late. The team that I work with, you are the best! Willingness and desire to serve our leaders, the traits that are coming from you guys straight at my face, I know I'm working with a team of die-hards for Jesus!
I know I'm not the most capable person to work with, but I'm changing to be more people-oriented and more administrative! A bigger heart for people, Jamie says... That's what I need, and that's what I'm crying out for!

I'm eager to fly, but not till I'm fully ready. It's God's timing I'm counting on, not mine.

Learnt alot too in terms of skills from the whole experience of EC-ing for Lynette's birthday event. Dream come true! But it doesn't stop here! I'm looking forward to the day of EC-ing for the whole service, probably the day Mrs. Cho comes? XD

Also, I need to talk about Mr. Tan Guan Zhong! He's extraordinary! He's a man, and he's the man! Hook up to my frequency to know that I'm not refering to his gender. He's a man of his words yo! And I know he's going to grow into his destiny because he's courageous enough to step out of his comfort zone! And he's one of the crappiest guy I ever known! He thinks that if a guy calls him up or meet him for meals, that guy is gay ._. Get to know him and you will understand (:

Oh, and thank you birthday-team!

Wassup!

Stayover @ Dominic's house was great. And my dear ZL cooked instant noodle for Noel and me! I felt privileged..am grinning from ear to ear even as I typed this :DD
What did we do? Played online mahjong and daidee, ate instant noodles that had cabbages filled to the brim (Dom just dumped everything in his fridge into the pot.), ordered Macs, nearly hugged each other to sleep, woke up and started tao-poking Dom and waking him up, Dom started tickling Noel and myself...That's about all, real simple.

Then Dom told Dawn/Jieru "I'm with Zhixiang and Noel, they stayed over last night. We had damn alot of fun!! It was great fun man, really!"

I love my leader.
Such a simple night, just 3 guys having late night supper and disturbing each other in the morning. My leader calls it great fun and my heart melts, the same way it did when Garret switched on the lights outside office so that it will be more comfortable on our eyes during admin hour. Such simple acts, they love doing it because they are doing it with the people they love. No extravagance, no excitement, just plain simple acts of love.

Simplicity.

Well, after that we had Sakae Sushi @ Harbour Front Centre. Have been craving for it for weeks, my soft-shell crabs *drool*. Then we met Pastors @ Vivo's Toastbox. Had my yuan yang there. It was my first time sitting on the same table with Pastors. You might wonder what's the big deal. Well, they care to remember our situation and they care to ask. That's the big deal. (:

Walked around Candy Empire with Pastors after that, and as Pastors just shared with Dom about what's going to happen with Zone F and everything, I'm just blown away.

Zone F, Zone of the Future, Zone of Faith

Nothing is going to stop them now. It's just like when we were still 200..300..They are going through that now, but much faster and better. We take 10 years to reach 1000, they are going to take 5. Well, there's things that I can't reveal just wait, but if only you can see what I see, you will understand.

After that went to Page One with Noel. It's a nice place. I will like to go back there soon. We had a great time together, talking about everything. And I realize, the same things that break my heart, break his too. That brings a smile.

That's what this walk is all about.
Yes it's your own walk. But doesn't it feel really good that the ones in your life are also taking the same walk with the same conviction and stand?

"Don't forget to call Dexter or myself when you are down hor! Our phones are 24/7 and we will surely pick up your call!"

These are words, really just plain words that any mouth can speak.

These words when spoken, however, bring faith and hope. Simple english words that can conjure up a never-say-die attitude, that can brew up a strong-will spirit, that can create a atmosphere of faith when hopelessness is pressing down and giving up seems like the perfect way out. But these words bring an oasis to the discouraged, these words breath life to the dying.

And these are the words only the mouth of those walking with the same convictions as yours speak and keep to. I'm surrounded with such people :D

Many had stopped running, but much more had started and many are restarting.

It really doesn't matter how you start, but how you end!

I realize I always blog late at night..or rather..early in the morn..

How shall I describe the day?
I dunno...

Funny how 666 is the number that symbolizes carnal man and of all the countless permutation and combination of reference numbers in the bible, 666 only appears once - John 6:66. And funny how that verse describes men's carnality so well.

"From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more."

How this verse struck me so hard even though I've read it many times.

How many had given up, and just walked away?
How many are going to give up and walk away?

As I look around, many faces are no longer there, even those closest to us, had walked away, some coldly...some confused and discouraged...some with anger and hatred...some carry such disappointments......while some nonchalantly.....
The roots that got pulled out together......I do not want to go into it..
But for every faces gone, I see many more new ones.
For every Dimas, there's a Luke, there's a Mark, there's a Paul...there's me!

It’s like in the great stories.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger they were.
And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?
But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow.
Even darkness must pass.
A new day will come.
And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer.
Those were the stories that stayed with you.
That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why.
But I think, I do understand.
I know now.
Folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t.
They kept going.
Because they were holding on to something.

What are we holding on to?

There’s some good in this world.
And it’s worth fighting for.

What are you fighting for?
Yes you!!!
What are u holding on to? What breaks you?

For me, seeing the weak being bullied by the strong breaks me. Seeing the ppl around me missing their purpose and having their dreams shattered breaks me. Seeing my friends give up on their dreams and visions and walking away breaks me. Seeing the younger ones becoming more and more of the world breaks me. Seeing the numbers in hell growing breaks me. Seeing someone seaching for love and crying out loud but finding none breaks me. It's intrinsic....

Are you going to turn back? The way back is less dangerous, less dark, more attractive, more inviting. The road ahead...dark and dangerous, you never know what you will encounter, what pits you will fall into, but u have an eternal Light with you. Which one will you choose?

Are you going to stay till the end of the story? I hope you are.

Many have been called, but few are choosen

Stand strong. Even darkness will end, and the sun will shine again.
Hope is not gone.

I see you at the end! (:

Prayer meet followed by service preached by Pst Lia...simply awesome!

I just love my Pastors! They are just..whoa! Whatever Pastor Lia spoke today, it just meant so much to me...Not only the cause, but the vision that she saw, fighter jets, army etc. That's my dream since I was a little kid, to be involved in those movie-like actions as a top gun pilot or delta force commander. But now, I know these childhood dreams that God had put in me, are meant for a greater purpose. I will not be in the army of this world (yes! I certainly hope it includes NS!)..wrestling against flesh and blood, but I will be in the army of God, wrestling against principalities, against power, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places!
God had it all planned out for me man!

I love it!

I love what I'm doing. This is my life. Yes, this is what it is. My life. I will not exchange it with anyone else, unless that someone has all I ever wanted and yet went through exactly what I had went through and experienced exactly what I had experienced!
Ok, I sensed a tinge of unsatisfaction..Ha Ha Ha !
But seriously, that's not possible so I might as well not even bother to conceive that thought.

Back to just now.

I felt something.
Something arising, something getting more excited.
My senses were hyper-active.
My faith is arising.

Never looked forward so much to Easter.
I can't wait, I believe something is moving in the spiritual realm as I begin to move, God moves.
This feeling, sometime before, I felt the same.
Out of it, a revival happened.
Out of it, TLs, HODs, WT teamers, Volunteer Staffs were born. Out of it, an army arise.
I believe a bigger army is arising. The atmosphere is shouting out loud the arising of a new generation!

I'm off to my planning.

HoGc 2.0

My dreams and visions. They are coming to pass.

Yo!

Alright, seriously I don't know what am I talking in the last 2 posts...

New thoughts..what if there's really a 29th Feb..and even a 30th Feb? (Ya, going back to it again..I have a thing for leap years obviously ._.)
What if, when the clock strikes 12am, and we actually go into this hibernation mode for a whole day, and slept past 30th Feb before waking up and not realising it and just continue in whatever we are doing on the 29th before midnight. And on non-leap years, this hibernation mode actually lasted for 2 days, through 29th and 30th...and we wake up only on the 1st nano-second of 1st March...

Alright, I was daydreaming on the bus.

These past few days were good. 1 came back, stronger - I choose to believe that, 1 coming home soon. Do I feel like the father of the prodigal son? Well, somehow my emotions are not flowing, not because I'm not excited. My senses are tingling, more powerful than spider-sense, greater purpose than his web-shooting wrists...We have a war coming up, We're gonna plunder the enemy's camp! Ok, plunder doesn't seems to be the right word..Aint robbing wrongfully, am just taking back what belongs to Him.

WE'RE GONNA RECLAIM HIS POSSESSIONS !

Come on, look upwards, beyond the clouds, beyond the heavens, beyond the sandcastles in the air, even beyond the dreams that you have, what do you see? I see a smile..that's what I want to see. That's my purpose (:

loves.

It's the end of February..or is it?

30th Feb
Will it ever happen?

Seemingly real, but is it?

Like a mirage, it is without substance and reality. But it just seems like it is existing with all the other days of the month.

Ok, I don't know what am I saying. Its 1am on a 30th February, at least just let me dwell in that idea for awhile. I can't really think well.
Am turning in. Have a great morning....

Today is Elevate's debut.

I think it was awesome, for a first outing! Pastors think so too!

Aight, I have to admit I was quite nervous during praise & worship, and played a few wrong notes, but still, it was great! The presence of God came, and that's the most important. The whole congregation just got touched by God.
I felt that Amazing was played quite well, though there's some mis-comm when Pastor came up. The presence of God was strong, not very thick I think, but strong, and gentle?

When 41st Day came on, I can feel God's anointing flows through them. The presence was strong....a different feel from start of service. I can feel faith rising, spirit getting stronger. When Elevate went back up for closing song, I felt faith-filled!

I want to start having faith again! Like really overcoming faith...I feel like I'm lacking that kinda power to breakthrough! I'm gonna have faith that I'm gonna become a very anointed bassist!

End Times was powerful, interesting and exciting! I can't wait for tml!

All these happening on such a significant day! 29th February..once every 4 years..kewl.

Valentine's Day dinner at Brewerkz was powerful!

Yea, went to eat there on Thursday night. I've been wanting to go check that place out..and got my wish come true! Too bad no photos to show off, but really, the ambience was wonderful. A blend of the past and the present, vintage mixed with modern...

TOTALLY MAN!

Will like to go back there someday!
The food's quite ex though, slightly above Billy Bombers ): but i count it all worth it!
I will give a 4/5 for food, 4.5/5 for ambience and 5/5 for service. Their service was excellent! Hopefully they will remain consistent...

Haji lane is a great place to chill..gotta go back to White Room soon man. And Rachel is a bouncy and crazy new friend that I made over @ Collage. Made me spam the whole toilet with baygon just to kill a cockroach ._.
Well, at least I became a sort of a "hero" over there. Ha Ha !

Met Jessica. Haven't seen her for awhile man! (SHE BECAME SO AUNTY) And that stupid girl just left us after like 15mins ._.
Nevermind, will be seeing her again soon..and its gonna be exciting.

Next hunting ground...Hard Rock Cafe...

Till then!

Today was quite interesting. My uncle tried getting me to play some finger-guessing game so that he can fill me up with martell ._.

Anyway, just thinking of how 2008 had unfolded. Quite a roller-coaster ride. Not as neat as i would have like it to be, but well, it kinda set the ball rolling. I'm constantly reminded that I'm still only a human being, made from dust.

God is God and I'm not..fullstop.

2007 was a year of tryouts. Yea, that's what I will like to call it. I tried many new things. Gained some experiences. Conquered new grounds. It gave me a scintillating taste of what 2008 has in stored for me. I just want to imagine.....

A short preview on the oncoming events..BS on Eschatology, Svc with Pastor Kevin Loo from CHC (KL), Svc with Mrs Cho Yonggi (Can you imagine the woman behind the pastor of the largest church on planet earth is coming?!!?), Affluence to Influence, RR, Schs Seminar with Pst Joakim Lundqvist, Sidney Mohede, Svc with Yth Pst Josh Kelsey of CCC (Oxford Falls), FOP with Parachute Band, Seminar with Sy Rogers, Svc with Senior Minister Pst Don Easton of CCC (Goldcoast), Svc with Nick Vujicic, Seminar with Rev Kong of CHC, CHC Asia Conference with an All-Star lineup consisting Benny Hinn, A.R. Bernard, Phil Pringle, Ulf Ekman, John Bevere, Bill Hybels.

Ok, who's not blown away?

Well ,just imagine...

Heart of God Church is heading towards the thousands. Within a year, we are having faith to hit 1500. Can I boldly dream for 2000? (Charleston taking 1000 himself? :D). 10 Worship Teams are going to emerge. 3 services sound right. Within the next 3 years, we are most likely moving on. Leaving Singpost for our new homeground. OUR OWN HOME. A building mainly made of glass? How about a dome?  With indoor basketball soccer courts, dance music art studios, and a ultra high-tech mac/alienware-filled Imagerium. Glass roof sounds elegant? Majority of the youths reached their peak, out in the workforce, in the market place, in the Christian world. Zone F at our current stage, but with twice the anointing. A powerful 3rd generation in CCH ready to blast off. Having a churchie in EVERY single school in Singapore. NyGen Singapore fully operating and planting more cells throughout SEA.

These are at a macro level. Let's look at the micro.

Majority of the churchie are in the rental assistance programme long-term. Every regular takes part in the Building Fund programme. Every schools are trail-blazed over. New CGLs rise up to try and  retrench the Zone Supervisors (I love Lynette and Fifi alot I swear!). Spiritually wise leaders are pregnated and born like nobody business. Culture is never diluted. Generations upon generations that are build on Word, Prayer, Presence of God, Giving & Tithing, Discipleship, Ministry and Evangelism. More leaders that are younger than 18. Replicas of Charleston, Dominic, Garett, Ivan etc. Hospitality equilavent to a 6-star PR service. Ushers able to usher a major national event. (How about the Youth Olympics? Come on, dreaming is free!). Bookstore on par with Borders. Publications that entice Lucasfilm. Worship teams that make Jay Zhou drools...

Hey, our zeitgeist is not meant to just be written on a plaque or something. Yea, ours. If its not yours, I'm sorry but please start to step onto this bandwagon soon. We are going like a bullet train on Mach 4 or something. You don't join in soon or if you lagged behind...well, just step up real soon. Cruel it may sound, but we got God to catch. There's no time, there's only God's time!

I was just thinking about those who had strayed off course. We had moved twice over this past decade. The intervals are becoming shorter. In fact, we were only in the city for less than 3 years since God moved us there. To those who had missed out on the transition from FTMS to Singpost, don't miss out on our next transition for anything! To those who had not even made it to Singpost, I pray that u will join us soon.

Well, we may not be the fastest-growing ministry, but I surely believe we are a start of something new and unique. And I'm proud to be part of this new birth. It's always honourable to be part of something new and build the foundation. I'm not in this since the beginning though I would have love to, but at least I'm in before it's launched. Even being in the final stages of preparation, I can still proudly say that I'm part of the preparation, part of the foundation!

Certainly, the road ahead, though exciting, seems tough at the same time. There's going to be prunings and plantings. There's going to be downs and ups. There's going to be breakings and remakings. Tears will be shed. Blood will flow. Pespiration will spill over. But joy will saturate. Smiles will break open. Faith will arise and conquer!

Who said anything about doing it alone? If you think that way, think again. I don't want to do this alone. I won't..I can't... This is not my job. It is His.

Are you going to lift off together with me? Put it simply, are you gonna be on this ride till the end of the voyage? Are you bold enough to leave the temptations behind? I'm still trying...

God, I give up.
I can't do this
Not for eternity.

God, help me.
It's Your plan
I will just follow.

God, I give up.
Because with You
All things are possible.

It's 4:28am and only the second day of Chinese New Year, and I'm feeling bored already! Is it because I'm never close to my paternal relatives, or just that I'm too close to everyone else in church? Mum stated a good point, if not for the ang paos, I probably would not have gone to visit my paternal relatives. Will like to change that statement abit. If not for my grandma and the fact that there's nothing on in church life, I probably would not have gone to visit my paternal relatives, though the ang paos are a great incentives to..
Haha! Sorry if I sound really indifferent, but my grandma is the only person I care. The rest? There's totally no relationship in the first place, and they are either all so much older or too young to even talk ._.

Oh well, thank God for Pansiri. She managed to conjure up  a movie outing with Josh and Siong at night. Had a good time watching Jay dunking. Got Noel to join us too and spent sometime talking about his love. Seriously I can't wait for the future to arrive!

Visited Ivan's blog and got really inspired for like the umpteenth time.

"We Were Soldiers"

Watched it many times before. But never see it from Ivan's point of view before.

"sometimes it's quite beyond what we fight for.
it becomes who we fight with.
many people haven't even got the first thing right and that's why they'll never enjoy running their christian walk with the people around them."

Quoted that from his blog, and it set me thinking. Coming April and I'll be in Heart of God Church for 3 full years. An eventful 3 years I must say. Saturated with fun, laughter, joy, discipleships, tears, broken-heartedness, disappointments etc. A roller-coaster ride of emotions? Yea! A real crazy ride it can get sometimes! Ask me to exchange it for a lavish rich-and-famous problem-free lifestyle that compromise on my commitments? Really tempting..in fact, I will really love to......but....thanks but no thanks! Its not for me. I rather stick with the life that I'm living right now. I'm enjoying EVERY moment of this run though sometimes it can get quite tough!

It's totally quite beyond what we fight for.

It's who we fight with!!

Looking at things now, I don't understand how people can just grow so cold towards God so easily. Why do they give up? I really don't understand.
Haven't they been touched by God?
Didn't they experienced God so strongly a couple of weeks ago?
Weren't they impacted by God's words the other day?
Didn't their leaders just inspired and dropped a vision in their heart during the last sharing?
Why after all these, they can still throw in the towel???

If you had watched "The Mist", you will know that the protagonist had been the bringer of hope throughout the whole movie till the very last scene in the car where hopelessness and despair were spelt loud and clear on all the faces in the car. In the last minute, he gave up hope and shot all of them. In the end, help came and you can see his life crushed. He was doing so well! Fighting to stay alive, leaving the comfort of the convenient store to fight for a way out. More importantly, he had a group that carried the same spirit and pinned their hopes on him. He had a group that fought alongside him, covering each other backs. In the end, when the car broke down, his spirit broke down along with it. He had 4 bullets. He could have continue fighting. At least the bullets had better use than putting it in your comrades' brains. But he gave up. And I'm sure he will live a totally crushed and regretful life if the story had showed the "3 years later.." part.

Isn't that the same for many who had dropped out along the way.
Many had dreams and visions.
Many were running alongside comrades that they had sworn to stay together and finish the race.
But many gave up...
Many just left so conveniently that it sometimes became scary thinking about it.

It's totally too cheap don't you think?!!? Yucks!! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

Do I sound too strong? I don't know..maybe I do....
But the point is, many are just missing the point of this whole Christianity!!
So many are just treating God too cheaply! Like what Ivan said in his blog, do we have a revelation of what He had done for us? On the Cross? Do we know His heart? Does what breaks Him breaks us too?

Whenever I look at my closer friends...Noel..Josh....I began to think, will they still be around? Will we still be in the same flow 5 years...10 years down the road? Will we still join ranks and breakthrough together?
Or will anyone of us just become a bystander and watch with envy and regret?

I will like to have faith that our kids will attend CCH together and look upon us as inspirations. I want to have faith. I will have faith!

That's a good thought. Ha! That's one of the things that really keeps me going! (:
Not the kids of course ._.
Rather, at the finish line, who will be beside me..I hope it's you! (:

Sorry for the outburst. Lots'a things happening around and I got over-spilled emotions! Anyway this is a young site so I don't think many will come across.

Right, 'nuff said! I'm gonna sleep! Catching the sun for tanning with Josh in the morn! Pz~

Finally, it's up!

This project is my first, and probably my last. I hope this baby doesn't need anymore editing and will just fully submit to my oppressive authority and slavely demands. MUAHAHAH!



Anyway, CNY is almost in the face already. Can't wait for the visitations to start! Zone reunion dinner is round the corner but I highly think that I won't be able to make it. Well there's still 3rd day's reunion dinner and please let it be set definitely on Sunday. It's gonna be exciting! Well, at least dex, noel, myself and the rest of the few of us will make it one great dinner!



Had a great prayer meet yesterday. Y'all gotta agree with me! With Pastors, Charleston, Lynette, Ivan and Daniel in Awakening ( And it's really damn exciting over there!), prayer meet seems like something is missing but the presence is nonetheless at the peak! That's the most important.

Yea, ain't the only one going through all the crap. At least it reminds me that I'm still only a weak human, made from dust, subjected to the dealings of the One up there. But it also brings joy knowing that the Mountain I'm leaning on is greater than any mountains anywhere else. Yesterday was a launch of something spiritual; Today will be a commitment to follow through until the flight is finished and we can say we have reach the designated level in the tomorrows.

D Zone, maybe even the whole church, is going through a process. This pre-breakthrough happens everytime before something big is gonna happen. I'm beginning to see what is going to happen. In fact, the signs are already showing that we are heading in the right direction! Just a little more tweaks here...and there.....

1000 is not without grasps. Rather, 1500 is within grasps!
It's near. Very near.  Just a little more tweaks...just a little more...just a little more....


I can't wait!